Post by Commish KC-GM on Dec 31, 2008 6:53:44 GMT -5
I read this in Greg Easterbrook's latest column on ESPN.com
"Advert Claim of the Week: I bought a bottle of omega-3 fish oil at a Whole Foods supermarket; it was prominently labeled "molecularly distilled." Meaning individual molecules were distilled? That's substantially more advanced than the process used to make plutonium."
"Disclaimer of the Week: TMQ recently passed an evening at the Westin Hotel at San Francisco International Airport, which looks super on a Web page. The Web page doesn't mention that when winds dictate north departures, the airport uses a runway that begins 400 yards from the hotel -- guests enjoy the sleep-friendly luxury of enormous jetliners spooling up their engines right near your room! At any rate, this hotel had not one, not two, but three disclaimers: Not in its brochures but physically on the hotel, as placards on a column near the entrance. One placard warned that hazardous materials might have been used in the hotel's construction. This warning was supposed to -- what, make guests decide not to rip out ceiling tiles with their bare hands and inhale fumes? The second disclaimer warned pregnant women not to drink at the bar. The third disclaimer essentially said that if the parking valet took your car out joyriding and rammed a bridge abutment, you had no recourse. This third disclaimer instructed customers not to hand over a car for parking until they had read the warning. The disclaimer was placed so that it was physically impossible to read until after you handed over your car."
Skopje is Beautiful in the Spring: Greece has vetoed the entrance into NATO of the nation that calls itself the Republic of Macedonia, that the United Nations calls the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia and that Greece refuses to recognize diplomatically. Greece insists that, in the U.N. General Assembly, the delegate from the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia not be seated under the letter "M." I am not kidding -- Greece filed an objection to letter "M" seating. The nation in question then refused to be seated under the letter "F," insisting Former is not a formal part of its name. Provisionally, the nation is seated at the United Nations next to Thailand under the letter "T," using the "The" for seating purposes -- as if the country's name were The [Disputed Word] Yugoslav Republic of [Disputed Word]. (Note: The United Nations has a marketing slogan, see it by rolling over a language choice. ) The issue is expected to heat up soon, as the "The" nation applies for entry into the European Union. A Christmas Day news report, datelined Gostivar: "Macedonian President Branko Crvenkovski believes accepting a geographical term for the name of Macedonia is a partial compromise in the name dispute with Greece."
[+] EnlargeAP Photo/Boris Grdanoski
"Macedonians swim in the scenic Vardar in The (Disputed Word) Yugoslav Republic of (Disputed Word).
This absurd dispute is a small piece of a quarrel that arose because Greece asserts that the term Macedonia is historically Hellenic, though the Macedonians themselves are Slavs and nearly all of them live in the "The" country, whose capital is, of course, Skopje. Greece contends that it will continue to veto everything having to do with the new nation, which formed in 1991 during the collapse of Yugoslavia, until such a time when it might pick a name that does not contain the word Macedonia. But Greece, titles cannot be copyrighted! Anyone may publish a book called "Gone With the Wind." Any country can call itself France, though it's not clear what the incentive would be. In the spirit of international compromise, TMQ offers these alternate names for the new nation:
• The Republic Formerly Known As Prince.
• Steve. Wouldn't Steve be a cool name for a nation?
• An Obscure, Landlocked Mountainous Region Along the Vardar River.
• Emmanuelle. Really sexy woman's name might increase tourism.
• ROM. Subliminally suggests Republic of Macedonia, but the official name would be just initials -- like KFC -- thus frustrating Greece's objection.
[+] EnlargeAP Photo/Rob Carr
They're all going to Hawaii! And unlike the Dallas offensive linemen, they earned it.
• Skopje and So Much More!
• The Greatest Nation in Human History. This would force the United Nations to say, "Now we will hear from the delegate representing The Greatest Nation in Human History."
• The United States of America. Leading national brand in the world, yet cannot be copyrighted."
Unified Field Theory of Creep: On Dec. 22, there arrived in my mailbox a Lands' End catalog boldly headlined WINTER'S END SAVINGS EVENT. Not only did the "winter's end" sale kick off before Christmas -- it started one day after the solstice, the first day of winter. On Dec. 23, the L.L. Bean "Late Winter" catalog arrived in the mailbox. Thus the "late winter" catalog came when 88 days of winter remained. Avrohom Dickman of Bronx, N.Y., reports, "This morning I heard an ad on the radio saying the Joseph A. Bank 'post Christmas sale' was in progress. I heard this ad on December 24th."
"Advert Claim of the Week: I bought a bottle of omega-3 fish oil at a Whole Foods supermarket; it was prominently labeled "molecularly distilled." Meaning individual molecules were distilled? That's substantially more advanced than the process used to make plutonium."
"Disclaimer of the Week: TMQ recently passed an evening at the Westin Hotel at San Francisco International Airport, which looks super on a Web page. The Web page doesn't mention that when winds dictate north departures, the airport uses a runway that begins 400 yards from the hotel -- guests enjoy the sleep-friendly luxury of enormous jetliners spooling up their engines right near your room! At any rate, this hotel had not one, not two, but three disclaimers: Not in its brochures but physically on the hotel, as placards on a column near the entrance. One placard warned that hazardous materials might have been used in the hotel's construction. This warning was supposed to -- what, make guests decide not to rip out ceiling tiles with their bare hands and inhale fumes? The second disclaimer warned pregnant women not to drink at the bar. The third disclaimer essentially said that if the parking valet took your car out joyriding and rammed a bridge abutment, you had no recourse. This third disclaimer instructed customers not to hand over a car for parking until they had read the warning. The disclaimer was placed so that it was physically impossible to read until after you handed over your car."
Skopje is Beautiful in the Spring: Greece has vetoed the entrance into NATO of the nation that calls itself the Republic of Macedonia, that the United Nations calls the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia and that Greece refuses to recognize diplomatically. Greece insists that, in the U.N. General Assembly, the delegate from the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia not be seated under the letter "M." I am not kidding -- Greece filed an objection to letter "M" seating. The nation in question then refused to be seated under the letter "F," insisting Former is not a formal part of its name. Provisionally, the nation is seated at the United Nations next to Thailand under the letter "T," using the "The" for seating purposes -- as if the country's name were The [Disputed Word] Yugoslav Republic of [Disputed Word]. (Note: The United Nations has a marketing slogan, see it by rolling over a language choice. ) The issue is expected to heat up soon, as the "The" nation applies for entry into the European Union. A Christmas Day news report, datelined Gostivar: "Macedonian President Branko Crvenkovski believes accepting a geographical term for the name of Macedonia is a partial compromise in the name dispute with Greece."
[+] EnlargeAP Photo/Boris Grdanoski
"Macedonians swim in the scenic Vardar in The (Disputed Word) Yugoslav Republic of (Disputed Word).
This absurd dispute is a small piece of a quarrel that arose because Greece asserts that the term Macedonia is historically Hellenic, though the Macedonians themselves are Slavs and nearly all of them live in the "The" country, whose capital is, of course, Skopje. Greece contends that it will continue to veto everything having to do with the new nation, which formed in 1991 during the collapse of Yugoslavia, until such a time when it might pick a name that does not contain the word Macedonia. But Greece, titles cannot be copyrighted! Anyone may publish a book called "Gone With the Wind." Any country can call itself France, though it's not clear what the incentive would be. In the spirit of international compromise, TMQ offers these alternate names for the new nation:
• The Republic Formerly Known As Prince.
• Steve. Wouldn't Steve be a cool name for a nation?
• An Obscure, Landlocked Mountainous Region Along the Vardar River.
• Emmanuelle. Really sexy woman's name might increase tourism.
• ROM. Subliminally suggests Republic of Macedonia, but the official name would be just initials -- like KFC -- thus frustrating Greece's objection.
[+] EnlargeAP Photo/Rob Carr
They're all going to Hawaii! And unlike the Dallas offensive linemen, they earned it.
• Skopje and So Much More!
• The Greatest Nation in Human History. This would force the United Nations to say, "Now we will hear from the delegate representing The Greatest Nation in Human History."
• The United States of America. Leading national brand in the world, yet cannot be copyrighted."
Unified Field Theory of Creep: On Dec. 22, there arrived in my mailbox a Lands' End catalog boldly headlined WINTER'S END SAVINGS EVENT. Not only did the "winter's end" sale kick off before Christmas -- it started one day after the solstice, the first day of winter. On Dec. 23, the L.L. Bean "Late Winter" catalog arrived in the mailbox. Thus the "late winter" catalog came when 88 days of winter remained. Avrohom Dickman of Bronx, N.Y., reports, "This morning I heard an ad on the radio saying the Joseph A. Bank 'post Christmas sale' was in progress. I heard this ad on December 24th."